More than words...
The science of non-verbal communication.
Hello dear reader. Happy new month! I’m excited to write to you on this first day of June. I hope that you have a rewarding and fantastic month ahead.
So today, let me take a line from one of Westlife’s songs and talk about what’s beyond our words when we communicate. But first, a quick story.
Recently, someone drew my attention to the fact that often, even when I say I am happy to help someone, my body language says otherwise. It betrays my enthusiasm and makes me seem reluctant to help. This became a wake-up call and made me curious: what am I communicating without words? Well, let’s find out together.
What is non-verbal communication?
Non-verbal communication refers to how we express things without words. This could involve gestures, facial expressions or other actions that convey certain meanings
We all do this. A glance, a nod, a shake of the head, and so forth. We all have several ways by which we make a point without uttering a word. Yet, we sometimes ignore what others may be communicating non-verbally. Because of this, we may miss important details of what they mean or fail to identify certain warning signs. So, learning how to read these signals is a useful way to enrich your conversations daily.
Why is this important?
How much of communication is non-verbal?
Maybe you’ve heard it said that about 90% of communication is non-verbal. But what does that mean? Well, this number comes from the work of Albert Mehrabian, a researcher of body language. He said that communication is 55% non-verbal, 38% vocal (your tone and inflexion), and 7% (actual) words only. So, according to his model, 93% of your communication has nothing to do with the words you choose.
But, experts have continued to debate this theory. What they tell us is that while communication involves much more than the words we use, the Mehrabian model isn’t always applicable in all cases. Take social media today. It’s still possible to have robust conversations without needing to see one another.
Experts also explain that the lack of face-to-face conversations sometimes makes it difficult to gauge exactly what a person means. And emojis evolved to help address this problem. They seem to bridge a gap where non-verbal communication is lacking.
The takeaway here is that there is we can convey a lot of meaning that can to our listeners without using words. And knowing how to identify these non-verbal cues in others will give you more context to what they are saying. Additionally, learning to improve upon your non-verbal language will help you convey the meaning you intend.
Types of non-verbal communication
Experts have identified up to nine (9) types of non-verbal signals we use when communicating such as:
Facial expressions: these play a huge role in non-verbal communication and tend to be universal across cultures. When we look at others, we can almost always tell when a person is happy, sad, angry, afraid etc.
Gestures: this is when we use certain body movements to communicate. We wave, point, and give a thumbs-up and so forth to convey meaning. But we should know that gestures, unlike facial expressions, aren’t always universal. For example, the “V” sign made with our thumb and index finger (✌️) doesn’t mean “peace” all over the world.
Paralinguistics: This refers to our tone, loudness and inflexion. For example, your partner can tell you “I’m fine” and you could decipher whether to relax or to buy all the roses in the world 😅.
Body language/posture: this can provide us with insight into how a person is feeling when we’re communicating with them. For example, crossing our arms could suggest being closed off, fidgeting can be a sign that someone is feeling impatient etc.
Proxemics: this speaks of the need for personal space during communication. Several factors determine how we define personal space. This could be familiarity, culture, situation, personality and so forth.
Eye gaze: our ability to maintain eye contact in conversation can be a useful indicator of our honesty in a situation. Shifty, non-regular eye contact could suggest there is something to hide
Others such as haptics (i.e. touch), our appearance and even objects can serve as useful ways of non-verbal communication. A touch can show concern and sympathy, and our appearance can help us attract potential partners. Objects (like a stethoscope) in our hands can communicate our profession.
So, as you see, communication can be a full-body experience. Our ability to decipher and interpret these non-verbal signals is key to getting a fuller picture of the message we’re receiving.
How do you interpret non-verbal communication?
You may want to become better at interpreting non-verbal signals. Well, experts suggest that you should pay attention to 3 things:
Compare the spoken words to the non-verbal signals the speaker is portraying (congruence)
Understand the context that you’re in. Location, culture, personality, and social situations all matter (context).
Allow many expressions to influence the meaning that you get from the communication (clusters). Try to observe the speaker as a whole.
These simple steps can help you decipher the meaning of what you’re hearing and pick up on hidden messages. These are some of the skills used by experts in communications and forensic psychology that help them do their jobs well. Who knows, as you apply these principles daily, you might become a little Sherlock Holmes 😊.
Non-verbal communication and mental health
Now, tying all these back to mental health, certain mental health conditions can manifest in a person’s non-verbal language. For example, a person living with social anxiety may have difficulty maintaining eye contact. Also, people living with trauma disorders may be averse to touch. And individuals who are dealing with depression may have a low tone to their voice.
By picking up on these, you can begin a conversation with someone and find ways to offer help or support should they want it.
As I conclude
I want to draw you back to my opening story. All this research has taught me that I should pay attention to my non-verbal signals, especially my body language. While people may not always be experts, they tend to pick up on subtleties like closed-off body language. Paying attention would help to ensure my non-verbal signals match the meaning I want to convey.
And I’d argue that if you find yourself in the same situation as me, it'll help you to pay careful attention as well.
Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed it. Do leave me a comment.
Until next time,
Tertsegha /Tay-TEE-ah/