So, one day, while at work, I was discussing with a friend about masking. No, it’s not pandemic-related😅; this was about a different masking. As we talked, I thought to myself, “What’s masking? How do you know if someone is masking?” The more we discussed, the more masking sounded new and strange. I didn’t understand what masking was. So, I looked into masking, especially how it relates to mental illnesses and the more I discovered, the more I asked myself, “Isn’t this something we all do?” Well, not quite.
Today, let’s explore what masking is and how it manifests. Hi there, hello, dear reader😊.
What is masking?
It goes by many names; “camouflaging”, “compensating”, or “passing”. It usually refers to a way of trying to hide or suppress the symptoms of a mental illness in social situations by behaving in ways that appear socially normal.
Masking happens when people try to adjust their personalities, behaviours or traits to “fit into their environment”. It is a common thing that autistic people might do, but nowadays, experts have discovered that people with other mental health conditions might do this, too.
So, it begs the question: why? What makes a person need to alter their approach to the world in specific contexts? As I discovered, there are many reasons why people choose to do this.
Why do people mask?
Masking is like a double-edged sword. People who mask will tell you there are many reasons why they do it.
Stigma is one big reason why people mask. Because of the level of prejudice and potential social isolation that can occur with mental illness, many people choose to mask their symptoms to avoid this social rejection. In keeping with this theme, many people mask to gain social acceptance.
Masking is also a way to meet social expectations, get and keep a job, make, maintain and build relationships, etc. There are all kinds of reasons why a person might choose to mask their mental illness during social interactions, and this is something that can happen both consciously and unconsciously.
Last time, I wrote to you about autism and how it is a situation where certain people’s way of processing and interacting with the world differs from that of the rest. Many times, people with autism who get diagnosed later in life learn to get through the difficulties of daily living by masking the symptoms of their autism. They can become so good at it that it is second nature. And there are many ways by which autistic people, and anyone else with a mental illness, learn to mask their symptoms.
How do people mask?
As mentioned before, masking can happen both consciously and unconsciously. Some of the ways masking shows up include
Mirroring or mimicking others’ behaviours in social interactions
Imitating gestures such as keeping eye contact or handshakes
Using rehearsed phrases when responding to questions and comments
Planning what to say in advance (called scripting) and finding it difficult to adapt on the go
Suppressing behaviours (e.g. hand flapping in autism or fidgeting in ADHD) or switching to less obvious behaviours
Copying others’ dress sense
They do not share interests due to concerns that they may be perceived as inappropriate or unusual, and so forth.
Masking is a complex experience. And perhaps you’re thinking, “Isn’t this something everyone does?” In a sense, yes. We all want to feel accepted in our social circles. And sometimes we take our cues from our friends on how to behave, speak or appear. So, why are we talking about masking like it’s something completely different? Well, here’s why.
The impact of masking
As social creatures, we naturally want to adapt our behaviour to fit in with the larger social group, a concept psychologists call conformity. Conformity is not necessarily a bad thing. When we act in ways like our groups, we are more likely to be accepted by the group and less likely to feel like a threat to said group.
Masking, however, is more than that. It is almost as if conformity is dialled up to a thousand. Individuals who mask sometimes have to do so constantly in nearly every social situation. They worry about their mental health symptoms slipping out and how they will be perceived. It takes a substantial physical, psychological and emotional toll on a person. Masking can lead to
Mental and physical exhaustion
Worsening mental health problems
Feelings of isolation/disconnection
Loss of sense of self
Low self-esteem, among other things
Imagine you had to change your behaviour to fit in with everybody, every time, all the time. Doesn’t the thought alone sound exhausting? Well, that is what masking is like. Sure, it is not uncommon for us to adjust our behaviours in our social groups, but we also don’t feel like we’re losing ourselves in the process. We don’t feel like we need to keep doing it, and most importantly, over time, we start to let our uniqueness and individuality shine through.
Masking is not the same as simply conforming. People who mask will tell you how draining it feels when they try to constantly change everything about themselves to adjust to the “real world.” I read some of their experiences. It sounds challenging, and I imagine it would be for all of us if we also had to do this all the time.
So, now that we have explored masking, what does the expert advise people dealing with it? Essentially, how do experts say we should unmask?
Dealing with masking
Masking is complicated. There isn’t much research on it, and we still don’t have an objective way of testing for it. Yet, many individuals reportedly have it. And it is not always a great experience because, as we’ve explored, while it has many benefits, masking also has drawbacks.
Now, how does a person deal with the need to mask? Experts suggest a few things.
Accept that you’re unique.
Sure, everyone has a common way of interacting. Maybe yours is different. That doesn’t mean it’s wrong. So, embrace the things about yourself that are different. You have strengths and weaknesses that are different from everyone else.
Allow self-reflection
It also helps to think about why you mask. Explore all aspects of who you are: your likes and dislikes, interests, passions, etc. You could do this on your own (through meditation and journaling), or you could get support through therapy.
Get support
While the world is not entirely free of prejudice, some people can relate to your experiences. They may also have the same difficulties you have or know someone who does. Interacting with people who have similar histories to ourselves (and even similar mental health problems) makes it easier to feel less alone, relax, and be our natural selves.
Give space
Giving yourself space could mean allowing yourself some recovery time following social interactions. One of the drawbacks of masking is that it can lead to emotional dysregulation and “shutting down.” Giving space could help manage the exhaustion from masking and allow you to consider how your interactions are going and if there are changes you’d like to make.
To wrap up
Masking is a near-constant act of modifying one’s behaviours in social interactions. It has its pros and cons, and there are ways you can learn to deal with it.
Knowing this may be helpful, not just for people with mental illnesses. Maybe we’ve been masking things about ourselves in our small way. Perhaps it’s time to unmask? Being mentally healthy means striving towards the most balanced version of ourselves; every step we take in that direction counts.
So, thinking back to my work conversation, masking was the right fit. While it might be challenging to detect, those who experience masking can objectively say when it’s happening.
Thanks for learning with me. I hope you had a great time reading because I had a great time writing to you. I’d love to hear your thoughts about this concept, so please share them.
Until next time,
T.
-Also, this is my last article for the year. We’re about to enter the holiday season, and things might get busy. So, to paraphrase Jim Carrey from the Truman Show, “in case I don’t write to you, good afternoon, good evening and good night.”
I hope you have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
Happy Holidays.